Oh Crud
by KYOGAKURA
Summary: Former title: a glitch in fairytale land. Iruka has been with Kakashi for the last seven years. One day, he finds his lover in the arms of another man. His fairytale ended and the nightmare has begun.
1. Oh Crud

_Harsh words were said and lies were told instead,_

_I did never mean to make you cry,_

_But life can make us weak as it can make us strong,_

_And before, I was totally in love with you,_

_I had faith in you_

_Lost in you, captivated by you,_

_Amazed by you, dazed by you,_

_Nothing can go wrong…nothing can go wrong…_

…_everything has gone wrong._

"Oh crud"

A simple phrase composed of two simple words. A simple phrase which could, apparently, start off a usual argument between people. A simple phrase uttered with blunt simplicity which could depict inner turmoil within an individual in a given situation. A simple phrase, yes but if uttered in a tight situation, it turns into anything but simple.

A groan. A tangle of sheets. Limbs straining and a creak of a mattress. Clothes thrown haphazardly across the tiled floor.

A typical scene in a typical day for an unattached bachelor living in a lonely old apartment in a far-away land. Yeah, for an _unattached bachelor. _Kakashi Hatake was far from being single. That is, if one considers seven whole years of keeping a lover bearing the name of Iruka Umino a way of being committed. Yes, after their topsy-turvy excuse for a relationship, they officially got together after six months. Who would have thought that the six months would be followed by another six months and continued for another six years? Most of the ninja community didn't think so. Everybody thought that the Jounin would find another lover in a span of a month…how awfully wrong they were. Until today.

A turn of a knob. A swing of the door. Groceries dropped to the tiled floor. A sudden draw of breath. Tears.

Iruka Umino stood in the doorway of Kakashi's apartment fresh from a morning jog in the market district. After seven years, Umino still insisted that they should not live together. Says it was unhealthy and all so a compromise was made. Each of them got a key of each other's apartment so that they could enter whenever they want. It was such a good idea to Iruka at that time that he agreed without much thought. Who would have known that it would bite him painfully in the arse?

"Good morn-" Iruka stood, mouth agape, as he groped for words to express his surprise. Actually, surprise is an understatement for what he was feeling. He was feeling a rather violent mix of the air knocked out of his chest, the butterflies and a dull pain which can only be caused by being hit by a blunt knife over and over…ah well, you get the point.

He just stood there until his common sense caught up with his racing mind followed by Kakashi waking up. Iruka couldn't really digest the scene in front of him. There was his lover, stark naked with another…guy…and the room stank of sex. His vomit reflex kicked in and he ran for the door. Fresh air was a leisure which he could not find anymore.

"Oh crud," was all that Kakashi said as he quickly untangled the blanket from his naked flesh. A dull thud could be heard from a pale body hitting the floor. He only saw a blur of dark brown and blue and he already knew what could have happened and what he had done.

"What the fuck?! Hey!" Genma piped up from underneath the bed. "You could've warned me or some-huh?" he looked up to find that Kakashi wasn't there anymore.

"…did I just sleep with a guy?" Genma mumbled to himself dumbly.

oOoOo

_Am I not good enough for him?_ Iruka thought desperately as he ran through the roofs of Konoha. A dull pain was turning into a flesh wound and everything was turning into a distant blur. _I-I thought…he loved me._ A belief was shattered and all that he wanted was a silent moment's reprieve from the onslaught of misery, shattered trust and the reality of everything that had occurred.

He jumped blindly, his chakra on full blast, as he sped through the bright town of his town. It was ironic that the sun could smile upon those in misery as if everything was fine in the world. He landed softly in front of a rundown, desolate building and fumbled with the keys with his shaking hands. Kakashi wouldn't find him here. This was his domain.

"Crap," Iruka cursed half-heartedly because he couldn't get the keys to cooperate with his shaking hands and the doorknob. _The guy who invented the doorknob should've designed a bigger keyhole!_

Finally, he burst through the door and collapsed into a threadbare couch. A table was in front of him. He kicked at it and the two picture frames perched on top of it fell onto the dusty floor. He felt sorry for one of the pictures. Specially the one taken after Naruto's "graduation" from the academy. He treasured that as much as he treasured the photo that lay beside it.

The one that contained their (Kakashi and Iruka's) first anniversary picture.

He let the tears flow across his scarred face. _Where did I go wrong?_

oOoOo

_What have I done?_ Kakashi asked himself as he made a dozen shadow clones of himself. They zoomed in and out of all known buildings in Konoha but they couldn't find who they were looking for. The real Kakashi stood on top of the Sandaime's head and surveyed the town from the height.

Of course he knew what he did. He slept with another guy for fuck's sake. Of course, the fact that it was a guy was not disturbing him; it was the fact that it was not Iruka with whom he slept with. He should've known better than to go to a bachelor's party at Gai's place, it was just not done. He had low tolerance for alcohol and his loneliness was getting to him. At that time, Iruka was away on a retrieval mission from the Fang country and Kakashi didn't expect him to come to his apartment at the crack of dawn. _But of course, expect the unexpected. You just let your guard down and everything you worked for will be gone in that brief moment of carelessness._ He should've known better. He really should have known better to have a one night stand behind his lover's back.

'_Ruka, where are you?_

oOoOo

A fumble with hand seals. A whirl of the wind. A puff of smoke. Kakashi Hatake was gone with the wind.

Iruka still lay in the run-down couch in an equally run-down shack. This was his haven when he was younger and only one person had ever found him here. The Third Hokage alone found him here when he was venting all his anger and frustrations from his parents' death. He never used the shack after that.

Until today.

Today had started out nicely. He just came back from a mission and had enough time to jog to local market to buy some produce and other things for breakfast. A breakfast that he was supposed to be spending with his _lover_.

Yeah, supposed to be seemed to be the perfect phrase to describe the situation. He was supposed to be a good ninja and not lie around like a crumpled heap of broken flesh. He was supposed to take everything in and look the other way. He was supposed to be calm and composed throughout a situation like this.

Too bad, he never read the rules and codes concerning how to deal with a lover cheating behind your back.

Did he really deserve what Kakashi gave him? He had been good, heck, he had been _better_ at everything just to keep up with stuff. He had to juggle clerk work, teaching, being a shinobi and taking care of Kakashi and Naruto all at the same time. Well, maybe not Naruto, he was already Hokage. Anyway, he balanced everything. He gave without expecting to be repaid for his services. Was it his fault that this happened?

A bitter taste invaded Iruka's mouth as the image he saw earlier crept to his consciousness for the hundredth time that hour. A perfect day just seemed to go downhill from there.

_What a perfect way to greet someone _good morning_, maybe next time he'll smile at while screwing with two other guys to show me his appreciation for the dawn._

Maybe it really was his fault that Kakashi decided to find another guy. Lately, he had been from on mission to another and hadn't spent enough time with the silver-haired shinobi. Maybe he was not doing his errands right and somehow, along the way, he already lost his lover without knowing it. Didn't they say that distance makes the heart grow fond? Stupid sayings, they had no hold over reality. In reality, distance makes your lover find another one to be happy with. In reality, distance makes the heart grow numb. In reality, distance hurts. In reality, _shit _fucking_ happens._

Iruka smiled to himself as he wiped his face. Tears continued to fall freely from his eyes. Silence reverberated through the room but Iruka couldn't seem to care less. As his senses were focused on the current situation and he was on emotional overdrive. Usually, when one enters this phase, it usually leads to a panic attack. For Iruka though, instead of a panic attack, damage control kicked in.

He shifted and sat straight up. Back straight, a stern face and a sudden halt of tears signaled that he was fine. One could've been fooled easily but the red-rimmed eyes could give everything away. However, red-rimmed eyes were far from Iruka's concerns. Right now, only one thing was consuming him.

_I want bloody retribution._

oOoOo

A/N: review please! (n.n)


	2. What The Fuck

_So tonight I'll sing a song to all my friends,_

_Also to those we won't be seeing again,_

_To those I knew and those I still adore,_

_And I want to say once more,_

_I just pray that you will love me and trust me,_

_Laugh with me and cry with me,_

_Spend those silent times with me,_

_Love me evermore…love me evermore…_

…_don't love me anymore._

"What the fuck?"

A phrase constructed through necessity. It was necessary at some point in time to mutter profanity and throw care to the wind. It was necessary to have a medium to communicate your anger to the world. It was necessary especially when the one you pledged your life to was somewhere out there and hating your guts. It was necessary at that time.

Yes, necessity is indeed the mother of all inventions.

A sigh. A tug on his flak jacket. A disbelieving sense of reasoning. A sharp and painful tear at his chest.

It was high noon at the village of Konoha. A time when all seems to slow down to a halt and when everyone seems to be in a different dimension. It was a time when all seemed right in the world of a shinobi. Yeah, every shinobi except for someone who bears the name of Kakashi Hatake.

It was almost a six hours since he was found in bed with another man by one Iruka Umino. It has been a strenuous of hide and seek and whatever else got throw in to that damnable haze. It had all been a blur but he was sure of one thing; when Iruka doesn't want to be found, come hell or high water, he will not come out.

The silver haired Jounin let out a sigh as he continued his futile search for the Chuunin. Saying that he was worried was like saying that Gai was the epitome of normality and monotony. Heck, he was on the verge of calling an all out search party from the ANBU squad. But of course, nobody knew that. He was trained to be passive. He rubbed a hand on his aching temple and walked until he reached the Ichiraku ramen stand. He hadn't eaten for three days and what little he ate, he emptied out within five minutes into the nearest trash bin. That was the effect every time Iruka was away on a mission. It seemed that without his Chuunin to anchor him down, there's no way that he could live. Not anymore.

He drew out the blue hangings of the store and sat there. He didn't notice the voluminous set of white robes or the blonde shock of hair beside him. After seven years and being named the new Hokage of the village, Naruto still couldn't get over his unhealthy diet of ramen to rest.

"Kakashi-san, I never see you here without Iruka-sensei. You surprise me," Naruto said pointedly as he chugged down the stock from his fifth bowl of ramen. Much has changed in Naruto. He was no longer that loudmouth, careless youth. Over the years, he has developed a talent at concealing his emotions from the public and being a keen observer of his surroundings. You couldn't misplace a pin that he couldn't put back in place.

"Maa…we can't help what we can't, can we Hokage-sama?" Kakashi replied and gave his order to the nice lady behind the counter. Kakashi knew that Naruto knows about what happened that morning. It has always been an uncanny talent of hokages to know everything going on in the village. Sooner or later, news will leak out and Kakashi's _bad_ will be the topic of every shinobi meeting in Konoha.

"Hn, well, I guess you're right. Just so you know Kakashi-san, I'm not siding with anyone but if Iruka-sensei decides to jump off the deep end because of you, the deities forbid but I will take action," the blond said with a disturbing mix of venom and saccharine sweetness. That is, the threat was said with his usual toothy fox grin. It was hard to decipher his thoughts. It's like trying to find ice in a desert or willing to see something on a blank wall.

"NARUTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" a pink wad of hair and a masked face burst through the bustling street with spitfires attached to its background. Of course, everyone knows who that is. It has always been a futile attempt to mask that pink color even after she became ANBU.

"Ack! Hide me, Kakashi-san!" Naruto said as he cowered underneath his former sensei. It was unnerving how he managed to switch personalities so fast. Anyway, his concealment tactic could've worked. It _could've_ worked but he was a good six-feet tall and the robes were just a dead give-away.

"There you are, you slacker! You have a ton of paperwork to do and you're lazing around in a ramen stand?! How dare you! Go back to work!" she screamed to high heavens while tugging on the neck of Naruto's robes. Naruto let out a choked sigh and resigned to his fate.

"Ah jii-chan, put it in my tab will ya? I'll be back soon," he said half-heartedly and let out his usual 'hehe' smirk. Sakura kept on nagging about work and everything else before she finally noticed the masked Jounin.

"Kakashi-sensei! Nice to see you! We'd love to chat and all, _it is _lovely day, but _he _can't. Lots of work to do, see you sensei," she rambled and gave Naruto a menacing glare. The silver-haired Jounin just stared at her with his exposed eye. Man, she's still hyper when it comes to talking…_and threatening people._

"Sakura-chan, I wasn't slacking! Really, I wasn't! I was just…having a pick me up…yeah, a pick me up! It was really tough doing the paperwork and I needed a break. Right Kakashi-san? Tell her!" Naruto pleaded at Kakashi but the Jounin did otherwise.

"Good luck to you, Hokage-sama! Do your work for the village!" Kakashi said as he raised his right hand for his trademark gesture. He was still trying to conceal everything behind his fake humor. This was his way to hide whatever it was he was feeling. It was his mask beneath his mask.

"Kakashi-san, you're really not helping," Naruto said though clenched teeth and reverted back to Sakura. "I was going to do my work, I really was. Ne, Sakura-chan?"

"Save it, _Hokage-sama_. Kakashi-sensei, give our regards to Iruka-sensei," she nodded to him and dragged Naruto in the open.

He was going to answer her about what happened between them but she, together with the Hokage, was gone in a puff of smoke. He just stared at the space dumbly and reverted back to the newly served meal in front of him. A steaming bowl of pork ramen. His lover's favorite.

"Itadakimasu," he said and dug in. he let out a sigh after the mouthful and listened to his now quiet environment. He could barely make out the whispered message of Naruto blow through the wind.

_I mean it, Kakashi-sensei._

_o0o0o_

His wristwatch beeped, signaling the eleventh hour after noon. He was sitting his sorry ass inside his apartment and he was exhausted beyond reason. Ah well, exaggeration doesn't really become him. He was just tired from the day's events but his mind still worked on overdrive so he couldn't sleep at all. But then, even if he could, he wouldn't. Not when Iruka was still out there an angry at him. He could've gone and continued his search but he figured Iruka needed a time alone to think things through.

_Haha, see? I'm not really an emotional retard,_ he mused to himself as he let out a shaky breath. He was on the verge of crying but he knew better than that. He was already breaking a ton of moral codes and etiquette by being with Iruka and if he were to cry now, he'd _break_.

He just let out a shaky sigh and resigned on the couch he had shared uncountable times with Iruka. Memories like that weren't for the weak-hearted. It hurt like hell to remember times that could never be recovered again.

_If you could only see me now, koi_.

The clock signaled that another half hour has passed. A dead silence hung heavily around the room. It felt like someone just died and the sensation was disturbing beyond reason. Shinobi lived on stealth and silence but Kakashi couldn't take it. It always felt like the calm before a storm or in shinobi wordings, like the calm before the assault.

True to the idiom, chaos reigned when the clock chimed midnight.

A dull thud at his door. A few stumbles and clapping of feet to the tiled floor. A disbelieving thought and a foul smell of alcohol.

"And he decides to show up. Iruka, we really need to tal-huh?" was all Kakashi could mutter as a drunken Iruka, carried by a well-known friend, stumbled inside his unit. What else can he say when a respected scholarly figure suddenly stumbles in his apartment, drunk to his ass, at midnight?

"So it seems, Kakashi-san," a masked man, Yamato of the ANBU squad as Kakashi recalled, piped up from behind a tan form he escorted from the local bar. "I found your sea mammal lying around in Fire and Ice. He was causing quite an uproar there," Yamato continued as he made a meek attempt to crack a joke.

"As much as I would like to accommodate him for the night, I can't. Contrary to popular belief, we don't live together and…" Kakashi trailed off, not wanting to elaborate on the painful events that had transpired that morning between them.

"Hn, where ish this _hick_ ANBU-san? Oh? Why's that bashtard _hick_ here? Oi," Iruka waved a hand in front of the ANBU guy carrying him while pointing an accusing finger at the silver-haired Jounin. Kakashi has never seen Iruka drunk before. Whenever they go to a drinking session, Iruka was always the last to go down and he was usually the one who carried all the other guys home.

_He must have swallowed two barrels-full of sake to get this drunk._

Currently, though, it didn't see that Iruka was up for carrying anybody home. In fact, he was the one being carried _bridal style_ in the middle of the living room and he was _clinging_ and _cuddling_ to Yamato's chest. Not that Kakashi was being opinionated about his choice of words but his lover as definitely _spooning_ towards the guy. Seriously.

"Sorry Kakashi-san, I'll take him back to his apartment. In that cold and lonely apartment of his…alone…with him…in his apartment,"

"Argh, fine! Lay him down here, _ANBU-san_," Kakashi said quietly as he motioned for the couch as he side-stepped let the masked man through. He stressed the name ANBU-san long enough for the masked man to get his meaning. He was always deadpan when he was jealous.

"Wah? No ANBU-san! You can't do this to meeeee…! No!" Iruka kicked and wailed at the guy but he was down on the couch before he could actually do some serious damage. Kakashi nodded at the masked man and said guy did the same. He started walking for the door but Iruka wouldn't go down without a fight.

"You just can't leave me alone with that bashtard _hick_ ANBU-san!"

The Chuunin sat up straight and continued to stagger as he stood. He swayed his way over a footstool and landed on the ANBU's chest. Kakashi made a feeble attempt on controlling his ward but Iruka was determined on getting his way.

"Ne, ANBU…er…Yamato-san, thank you fer tonight. Let's meet again some time, 'right?" Iruka slurred and pulled down Yamato's mask. Yamato's, as well as Kakashi's, eyes went wide when Iruka did what he did next.

"Iruka-san, what're you-"

He kissed the guy.

"What the fuck?"

Ah yes, the phrase has been used to satisfy the demand for expressing oneself. Was it really needed? No doubt that it was.

Iruka was smirking into the kiss, Kakashi could tell. It was like he was doing it just to spite the masked Jounin out of his wits. The unsettling thing was that _it was working_.

Yamato abruptly pushed him away. He muttered an apology to his former comrade and left in silence. Kakashi was still standing there with a very intoxicated Iruka murmuring to himself. The event that had transpired between them a moment ago hadn't quite sunk in to his system.

"What'sh with this footstool? Heh, want some piece of me, huh?" Iruka staggered and kicked at the footstool that tripped him. It was like nothing happened.

Was that really Iruka right there? It can't be. His Iruka couldn't…_wouldn't_…do that. Not ever. This has to be some kind of mistake.

Kakashi decided that it was a mistake and performed a few hand seals as Iruka examined a nearby coat hanger.

"Kai!" Kakashi said and he waited for the effects to come through. He hoped that everything was just a trick. Iruka seemed to notice so he swayed towards Kakashi.

"You're trying to _hick_ dispel me, 'Kashi?" Iruka pouted and stared up at the Jounin as if to say '_how could you?'_ Kakashi couldn't quite make out what was lying behind the Chuunin's eyes but it was anything but good. "Cause you know, I'm real. I'm very _very_ real. See?" the Chuunin said and pumped his chest just for good measure.

_What are you getting at, Iruka?_

"'Kashi? Oi…oi…OI!" Iruka slapped him across the face and Kakashi doubled back. He had zoned out. "Don't go zoning out on me, bashtard"

"Heh…guess I deserved that…" he muttered sadly and caught Iruka's shoulders after recovering from the shock of the night. "C'mon Iruka, we need to get you to bed and maybe tomorrow we can talk,"

Iruka slapped away his hands and stood still. It was like he was shocked or something and the hurt look flashed across his face. It was as if it was Kakashi who had wronged him. Well, he did wrong Iruka but _what the hell?_ He was glaring daggers at Kakashi.

"You don't have the right to touch me. Not anymore, _koibito_," he said and collapsed into a drunken heap. He was already fast asleep before Kakashi could even recover himself.

_Maybe not, Iruka, maybe not anymore._

_o0o0o_

A/N: Review please! c",)


	3. I Hate You

_I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be,_

_Too many bitter tears are raining down on me,_

_I'm far away from home and I've been facing this alone_

_for much too long…_

_I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me,_

_About growing up and what a struggle it would be,_

_In my tangled state of mind I've been looking back to find_

_where I went wrong…_

…_I was so wrong._

"I hate you"

An expression understood by many as a sign of hostility. An expression muttered under the pretense of silence. A phrase that could start a life-long feud or end a life-long friendship. Three words that could make or break a person. A string of words simple enough to understand but one that conceals an intricate weave of bittersweet emotional idiosyncrasy.

A phrase that clearly depicts rejection starts up a spark in a silver-haired shinobi's day.

_Rejection_. He didn't take to rejection that well. That is to say, he never got rejected in his life. Being the impassive _bastard_ that he is, he never bothered to learn such trivial human emotions. Was it supposed to feel as empty like a cold and deep hole seemed to take the place of your heart? Was it supposed to make you feel like barfing in the middle of the night and cry out all your bodily fluids? Was it going to mark?

He never understood rejection.

He didn't understand a lot of things. He didn't understand why Naruto still searched for Sasuke after all these years, rejected and despised by his _best friend_. He didn't understand why his father took failure and the one-sided town hatred too far and did suicide. He didn't understand why the fourth Hokage decided to go the way he did. He didn't understand why, of all people in the world, did Iruka make him feel like he was the most vile and repulsive piece of shit on this side of the planet.

It really sucks to feel this way. Kakashi pondered about these things while he was lying in his futon. It was about dawn and he knew that Iruka will still hate him when he wakes up. As if things weren't bad enough, Iruka's also going to have a fit when he finds out that Kakashi had let him sleep over. He could imagine the whole scene now.

"_What were you thinking, letting me sleep over for the night? What would the parents think when they find out about this? Half the population in this village already knows but I want things to be discreet. What am I gonna do when my students find out and their future gets ruined? Just what were you thinking?!"_

Yes, typical Iruka. Always worrying about others and thinking his well-being last. It was the perfect attitude that a shinobi could have but it the one thing that made Iruka imperfect. He was, at often times, taken advantage just because _he cared_. He will stand up for the underdog and take in all the damage with a smile. It was self-sacrifice. It was the one thing that Kakashi treasured the most about him.

A sad smile crept up his _maskless_ face as bright morning sunlight poured through the gaps of his window blinds. What should he do once Iruka wakes up? Grovel? Nah, groveling was beneath him, it was for those sad nins who threw their life away. Assault Iruka and demand to be forgiven? Nah, that'd definitely make matters worse than it already is. Then it hit him…

…_run away!_

Running away could be good. People did it all the time. But…running away from Iruka. It just seemed wrong in so many ways. No, he was going to face Iruka. He was trained to face everything thrown at his direction with a smile. Heck, he endured a crappy childhood, didn't he?

He stood up and slipped on his infamous mask. A ghost of a smile could be seen beneath the mask as he folded up his futon and placed things back in their place. He had a plan for tackling the predicament at hand. It was all…or nothing at all.

_Maa…time for breakfast._

_o0o0o_

He lay there quietly, completely aware where he was and what he was doing. He had total and absolute control of his senses and his reflexes haven't dulled. His mind was working fine even with the mild intoxication a few hours ago. Yeah, Iruka knew what he was doing.

_I wonder if he knows?_

Iruka asked himself as he breathed out a sigh. It hurts so much but it wasn't the cheating which hurts him, it was the fact that he saw Kakashi's emotional barriers falter because of him. He loved and still loves the man after all.

_Ah well, the die has been cast. There's no turning back._

But then he remembered what it was like back when he had been alone. No one to share your day with, no one to talk to when you're having nightmares. No Kakashi there to make your day a little brighter. Iruka already missed those days as if it had been too far gone. Maybe it was already too far gone. Was it only pity that bonded the silver-haired jounin to him?

A dead weight fell down to th pit of his stomach at the thought. He raised a hand to his lips as if he would barf. It was pity. He was pathetic. He wasted his compassion on the notion that another man loved him as he is. It's like a new wave of scars found it's way to his being. He hates this. He hates how people can do this.

He rubbed a hand to his face and felt the slight stubble that had grow through the night. He felt like shit and he knew that he also looked like shit but he had other things to do. Namely, disappearing without a trace.

_Kakashi, I hate you._

A/N

Errr…sorry for the short updates an the long intervals between them. It's been pretty busy since classes started 'round here. Anyway, tell me what you think and…thanks for the encouragement and criticism. I'd like to answer the part about Naruto's inconsistency. See, it's my way of showing that the 'old' Naruto can still resurface even if the 'new' Naruto already stomped that childish part of his.

Oh, and the suggestion about Iruka jerking Yamoto off (did I interpret that right?). eh…not gonna happen. I REALLY suck at writing lemons so…that's that I guess.

Anyway, 'til later an don't forget to dish out some appreciation. 3


End file.
